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body {
background-color: white;
color: darkgrey;
font-family: Futura,Impact,Helvetica,sans-serif;
font-size: 125%;
}Your alarm has been going off for 15 minutes.
You're exhausted and you feel like you didn't sleep at all.
Do you [[sleep in->sleep]] or [[get up->get up]]?
You keep sleeping and miss your allotted 5 minutes in the bathroom.
Do you [[go to class without brushing your teeth|no brush]] or [[break the rules and go into the bathroom|break rules]]?Thankfully you got up in time and make it your allotted 5 minutes in the bathroom.
You pack your bag and go brush your teeth. On your way out of the dorm you realize you forgot your mask.
Do you [[go back and get it|go back mask]] or [[leave it|leave mask]]?You skip brushing your teeth. You know they'll feel slimy, but you couldn't risk violating the rules.
You pack your bag to go to class. As you're leaving, you realize you forgot your mask.
Do you [[go back and get it|go back mask]] or [[leave it|leave mask]]?You head into the bathroom even though it's not your turn. Someone starts yelling about how long they've been waiting to pee.
You turn around and your resident advisor is stomping towards you and he looks angry. It's hard to tell behind his mask. He has a clipboard in his left hand.
From 6 feet away he points out the chart where your name is. You are 30 minutes late. He adds another line next to your name.
Dejected, and with slimy teeth, you decide to just leave. You wish you could have a later time slot. You are just not a morning person.
As you're leaving, you realize you forgot your mask.
Do you [[go back and get it|go back mask]] or [[leave it|leave mask]]?
You return to your room to get your mask.
You're now decidedly late for class. Knowing the risks of covid-19, you get in the elevator and hope no one joins you.
You see a dorm-mate walking toward the elevator.
Do you [[push the close button|close elevator]] or [[hold the door open|open elevator]]?
<<set $mask = "leave" >>
You just head to class and hope the literal mask police don't stop you. They have too much power on campus. It's actually pretty worrying.
You turn the corner and see a bucket of masks with a sign that says, "University Policy: Masks are Mandatory."
You breathe a sigh of relief. You grab a mask and put it on.
Knowing the risks of covid-19, you get in the elevator and hope no one joins you.
You see a dorm-mate walking toward the elevator.
Do you [[push the close button|close elevator]] or [[hold the door open|open elevator]]?
You hope your dorm-mate didn't see you in the elevator.
You have a hard time navigating the trek to class. Your wheelchair positions you lower than everyone, so all their spit and exhalation will land on you.
Everytime someone speaks you wince.
You finally make it to class and go to your seat.
You're not sure when the last time they cleaned the tables was.
Do you [[grab hand sanitizer|sanitizer]] or [[just wipe your hands on your pants|wipe hands]]?<<set $elevator = "open" >>
You feel bad, so you keep the elevator held open.
You realize that your dorm-mate is not wearing a mask.
You try to hold your breath for the whole elevator ride, but you can't.
You feel free when you finally get out of the elevator.
You have a hard time navigating the trek to class. Your wheelchair positions you lower than everyone, so all their spit and exhalation will land on you.
Everytime someone speaks you wince.
You finally make it to class and go to your seat.
You're not sure when the last time they cleaned the tables was.
Do you [[grab hand sanitizer|sanitizer]] or [[just wipe your hands on your pants|wipe hands]]?
You pick up the hand sanitizer and go to pump some onto your hands.
<<set $handsanitizer = ["yes", "no" ] >>
<<set $handsclean = $handsanitizer.random()>>
<<if $handsclean == "yes">>
Whew! There was a little left. [[You look up.|look up]]
<<elseif $handsclean =="no">>
Uh-oh. The bottle was empty. No hand sanitizer for you. [[You look up.|look up]]
<<endif>><<set $handsclean = $handsanitizer = "no" >>
You worry since you touched the door handle on the way in. You don't know when this table has last been cleaned. Now you're going to touch your phone and your computer and your notebook. You also are constantly touching the wheels of your wheelchair. You really hope that you haven't come into contact with any covid-19 carriers.
[[You look up.|look up]]Your professor is waving her hands all around trying to get the attention of the class. Students are spread out so far apart it's nearly impossible for you to tell who she's waving at. You guess that she must be speaking, but you can't make out what she's saying.
You would normally just ask your TA to clarify after class. He is so helpful. Unfortunately, he was living in the US on a Visa from China and the government revoked his access to the US while he was away doing fieldwork. You wonder how he's doing.
You snap back to class. You need to understand what's going on.
You [[raise your hand|raise hand]].<<set $aggressivestudent = "yes">>
You motion to the student to put on a mask.
They aggressively suggest that you should stay home if you're so worried.
You turn back around. Your friendlier neighbor motions for you to ignore it. Or at least that's what you think she did. You actually can't hear a word she is saying.
You look around the room and notice some students are [[using their laptops.|laptops]]You don't want to get in a confrontation. You just pull your mask tighter and hope you'll be okay. Your friendly neighbor motions to the other students who are using [[laptops]].
You both take out your laptops to try to co-edit a Google doc. You try to hone in your focus so that you can read her comments. You have a hard time because your laptop is so old. You realize that you forgot your laptop charger: since you don't usually bring your laptop to class, you don't usually carry the charger with you.
You've been working like this for 20 minutes and your professor finally winds her way through the classroom. each question takes longer for her to answer because no one can hear each other over the shouting: tables are so far away from each other you have to shout to talk to your neighbor. You see that she had to get dangerously close to the group of students with no masks.
She is standing very far away from you and you try to shout. She motions to look at your laptop, and just as she does. Your laptop [[dies]].Your professor looks genuinely sad. She asks if your neighbor can rotate her computer screen. Your neighbor does, but the plexiglass screen that sits between you on the table is distorting the graph: you wonder if the sharp dip is real or is a distortion. You nod, pretending that you understand. You'll look it up later when you get home.
You and your neighbor are struggling: she doesn't know that you stutter, so she keeps interrupting you. Without your mask on, she could see that you are trying to talk, but you don't want to risk that.
Your neighbor is getting visibly annoyed with you.
You start to get overwhelmed. You feel the walls are closing in, your pulse is racing, you can't breathe.
Your stomach starts to hurt. Your Crohn's disease flares when you're stressed and you have been very stressed lately.
You start to panic.
Do you [[leave the room to get some air|leave room]] or [[stay and start crying|stay]].<<set $classroom = "leave">>
You decide to leave the classroom. You consider going to the bathroom but you worry that there are too many germs there. You just [[leave|online class]].
<<set $classroom = "stay">>
You decide to stay.
You start having a panic attack. You grab a brown paper bag from your backpack and start breathing into it. You must remove your mask to do this. Everyone is staring at you.
You manage to calm yourself down after a few minutes and return to the lesson. Before long, class time is up. You collect your stuff and head back to your [[dorm|online class]].
Your next class is a large lecture class so it's online. You go back to your dorm and plug in your laptop charger. You open your computer and Twitter pops up.
You see a video of another Black person getting killed by the police. That person could have been your brother, or your friend, or you. You see the anti-police-violence protests are happening near your home in Atlanta. You've already lost two family members to covid-19 and you're aware of the racial disparities in outcomes. You are sick with anxiety for your community, your family.
You sit for a few minutes and just [[cry]].
You log into your online class and at least you can leave your camera off so no one can see your puffy face.
After class, you close your computer and reach over to take your [[anti-depressants]].You realize in all the stress of coming back to campus, you forgot to refill your prescription. The pharmacy has limited hours and is already closed, so you’ll have to skip it and hope you don’t experience brain zaps like you did last time you missed a dose.
[[You cry yourself to sleep]]. When you wake up, you head over to the pharmacy to get your anti-depressant prescription refilled.
You notice that they are offering free covid-19 testing.
You remember the recent Trump administration ruling that health care can be withheld from trans folks. You wonder: if you test positive, will you be denied care on the basis of your trans identity?
You worry, but you don't want to be unknowingly passing the virus to others.
You [[get the test]].<<if $handsclean == "no" >>
You test positive. You start feeling brain zaps from withdrawal from your anti-depressants. You definitely need to see a doctor. You think about how this semester could be [[going...|conclusion]]
<<elseif $handsclean == "yes" >>
Whew, the test is negative. You grab your prescription and head back to the dorm. You start feeling brain zaps from withdrawal from your anti-depressants. You think about this semester could be [[going...|conclusion]]
<</if>>You grab your prescription and turn to head home. You start feeling brain zaps from withdrawal from your anti-depressants.
You look up and it looks like that person from your class.
<<if $aggressivestudent = "yes" >>
They were mocking you in class yesterday. They're still not wearing a mask. You raise your hand. Your professor motions that it will be a few minutes. She's trying to answer other questions, but each question takes longer than usual due to masks and social distancing.
While you're waiting, you look around. You see that a neighboring student is not wearing a mask.
Do you [[motion for the student to put their mask on|mask on]] or [[pull your own mask tighter|own mask]]?
It is September 7th, 2020.
While the data suggest covid-19 is still actively moving around the US, many universities have decided to open up for face-to-face classes. You have been on campus for a few days.
You are a sophomore at Most Distinguished University of the North. You are a biology major and very excited about your genetics class this fall.
Your family in Atlanta keep calling to check in on you. They know that your chronic illness has been flaring, limiting your mobility. They know that you are at high risk for covid-19. Sometimes it's difficult just to make it through the day.
Your classes began in person this week. You try to be excited, but it's hard.
You wanted to take all your classes online. [[Instead, this is your day.|alarm]]
You wanted to take all your classes online.
But the Board of Trustees met and decided that residential instruction was too important.
So the Chancellor wrote a nicely-worded letter about the importance of students to the University.
And the Deans Tweeted about the teaching mission of the University.
And the Department Chairs have measured 6-foot distances between chairs in classrooms.
And the [[Professors|https://caitkirby.com/downloads/October1st2020.html]] have altered their active-learning plans.
And the [[Graduate Student Instructors|https://caitkirby.com/downloads/October5th2020.html]] have not been consulted.
And the [[Undergraduate Students|https://caitkirby.com/downloads/Fall%202020.html]] are worried about returning.
And the [[Staff|https://caitkirby.com/downloads/October12th2020.html]] are keeping it all together.
For the good of the students, they won't let you take all your classes online.
But what about you?
Resources and guidance:
[[Accessible Campus Action Alliance: Beyond "High Risk":Statement on Disability and Campus Re-openings|https://sites.google.com/view/accesscampusalliance]]
[[A collection of petitions for safer campuses in Fall 2020|https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RJp3UnavXS_aWPBrxMtyK8U7sveI9dvynZKomGztwJk/edit?usp=sharing]]
[[Chris Marsicano's Twitter thread of actions to take against the ICE #StudentBan|https://twitter.com/ChrisMarsicano/status/1280334446844162050]]
Just one day.
Created by
Cait S. Kirby
[[Website|https://caitkirby.com]]
[[Twitter|https://twitter.com/caitskirby]]
© 2020
Cait S. Kirby